Your Past Self Didn't Fail: A C.S. Lewis Perspective on Personal Growth
In the quiet corners of Oxford's Magdalen College, where C.S. Lewis once walked and taught, lies a profound truth about personal growth that resonates deeply with both spiritual seekers and those on their own journey of self-discovery. It's a perspective that challenges our modern obsession with constant improvement and the tendency to view our past selves as somehow lacking or failed versions of who we are today.
The Paradox of Progress
Think of a boat moving through waves. Each wave that seems to push against the vessel is actually part of what propels it forward. Similarly, our past selves – with all their limitations, misconceptions, and seeming failures – weren't failing at all. They were succeeding in getting us to where we are now.
Lewis himself embodied this principle in his famous journey from atheism to Christianity. In his autobiography "Surprised by Joy," he doesn't dismiss his atheist years as wasted time or failed understanding. Instead, he recognizes how each step of his intellectual and spiritual journey, including his resistance to faith, was essential in building the foundation for his eventual conversion.
The Mountain Climb of Faith
Lewis often used the metaphor of climbing a mountain to describe spiritual progress. When scaling a peak, the path sometimes appears to lead away from the summit. These seeming diversions might feel like failures or wrong turns, but they're often necessary parts of the ascent. The switchbacks that appear to take us in the wrong direction are precisely what make the climb possible.
This perspective offers profound comfort for those struggling with their faith journey or personal development. Your past understanding, though perhaps limited, wasn't a failure – it was a necessary stepping stone. As Lewis might say, you can't judge your past self by your present knowledge.
Walking on Water: The Peter Principle
Consider the biblical story of Peter walking on water, a tale Lewis often referenced. Each step Peter took toward Christ was a success, even though he eventually began to sink. Those initial steps weren't failures because they didn't last forever – they were vital victories that brought him closer to his goal.
Modern Application
In our current culture of constant self-improvement and personal optimization, this perspective offers a refreshing alternative. Instead of viewing our past selves as failed versions that needed upgrading, we can appreciate them as necessary chapters in our ongoing story. They succeeded in their most important task: getting us to where we are now.
This applies to:
Academic Growth: Your earlier understanding of concepts wasn't wrong – it was appropriately simplified for that stage of learning
Professional Development: Your past work experiences weren't failures – they were building blocks for your current expertise
Emotional Growth: Your previous ways of handling emotions weren't failures – they were survival strategies that protected you until you could learn better ones
Spiritual Journey: Your former beliefs weren't failures – they were steps on your path to deeper understanding
The Liberation of Acceptance
There's something profoundly liberating about this perspective. It frees us from the burden of viewing our past selves with contempt or embarrassment. Instead, we can appreciate each version of ourselves as a necessary step in our journey, much as Lewis came to view his atheist years not as wasted time but as essential preparation for his Christian faith.
Moving Forward
This understanding doesn't mean we should stop striving for growth. Rather, it suggests that growth itself might look different than we imagined. Instead of seeing it as a process of correcting failures, we might view it as a continuous unfolding, where each stage builds naturally upon the last.
As Lewis might say, the point isn't to wait until we have perfect understanding – it's to act faithfully on what we know now, trusting that this too is a necessary step in our journey.
A Final Thought
Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of this perspective is how it changes our relationship with our present self. If we can view our past selves with compassion, understanding that they succeeded in bringing us here, we might extend that same grace to our present self, trusting that our current limitations and struggles are also part of a larger journey of growth.
In the end, as Lewis taught us, it's not about reaching some final perfect state. It's about faithful movement forward, one step at a time, allowing each experience – success or seeming failure – to propel us closer to our true purpose.
Your past self didn't fail. They succeeded in the most important task they had: bringing you here. And that's something worth celebrating.
